Sharting Survival Guide: Why They Happen and How to Prevent It
There are two kinds of people: those who have sharted and those who lie about it. It begins with an innocent urge to fart. Maybe you destroyed a burrito for lunch or had a few too many beers the night before.
You don't feel like you have to take a dump, so you make sure the coast is clear and let 'er rip. But something is wrong, very wrong. Your drawers feel damp, and then the smell hits you. Dear God, that smell.
For those of you who are blissfully unaware, a shart is a combination of "sh*t" and "fart," although the scientific term is fecal incontinence.
The origins of the term "shart" are unclear, but an entry in Urban Dictionary dates back to May 2006: When one attempts to fart but sh*t is simultaneously ejected whilst farting.
An untimely shart can derail a relationship, job interview, or dinner with your in-laws. We don't want dudes to suffer needlessly, so we're unpacking what causes sharts, how to prevent them, and how to respond in the event of a shart attack.
4 Common Causes of Sharts
Most people think the runs cause sharts. That may be true in some instances, but there's additional information to consider if you want to know the truth behind this embarrassing bodily function.
1. You Didn't Empty Your Bowels
The science is clear: holding in your poop isn't a wise decision. It can lead to constipation and awful stomach pain—but did you know it dramatically increases your risk of sharting?
"The most common cause [of sharts] is the incomplete evacuation of stool," says Elana Maser, M.D., assistant professor of gastroenterology at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. "If the bowel is holding on to too much stool, some may slip out when flatus (air) is passed."
Want to know how often you should be pooping? Read the full guide here.
2. Digestive Problems
Solid stool is less likely to leak out of your hiney than watery stool. That can be caused by any number of tummy problems, such as irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn's disease, or lactose intolerance.
Hemorrhoids cause the veins in your rectum to swell, which can prevent your anus from closing properly. This increases the odds of poop escaping when you're simply trying to pass gas.
4. Forcing a Fart
Most civilized people try to pass gas surreptitiously, without detection. By slowly expelling gas passively, you reduce your chance of soiling yourself at work. Those who announce their farts forcefully and with authority increase their odds of sharting because their sphincter relaxes, allowing gas to shoot out faster and louder.
A common misperception is that sharts couldn't wreak havoc on the rich and famous. But just as everyone poops, everyone sharts—even the queen of the Kardashians.
Sharting in Pop Culture
Nobody is safe from a shart attack, and we have evidence to prove it.
Comedian Kevin Hart sharted. Chris Brown admitted to sharting on stage in front of thousands of fans. So did lovable ginger elf, Ed Sheeran. YouTube star Tyler Oakley has allegedly sharted multiple times. Queen of the Kardashians Kris Jenner tweets when she sharts. WWE Wrestler Darren Young sharted in the ring mid-match. Al Roker even sharted himself in the White House!
If millionaires can poop their pants and hang onto their careers, so can you.
What Should You Do If You Shart?
Sharting in the comfort of your own home is a mere inconvenience. Just toss your undies in the laundry and hop in the shower. Sharting in public, however, necessitates a swift, skilled response.
First, excuse yourself. That doesn't mean you say "excuse me" and stay where you are—you have to discreetly evacuate the premises and find the nearest bathroom.
Once you've reached safety, wipe your ass thoroughly. Ideally, you're packing a DUDE Wipe Single, but toilet paper will work in a pinch. When you've cleaned up, strip down and assess the damage in your drawers. If there's only a little poop, you can get away with a spot cleanup: wad up some toilet paper, put a few drops of water on it, and dab the area affected by feces.
But what if you've dropped a full deuce in your pants?
If you have that misfortune, scrape as much of your poo into the toilet as you can and flush away. Next, you have to find somewhere to discard your soiled underwear. You can bury them at the bottom of the trash can or toss them out the window, but either way, you're gonna have to go commando the rest of the day. It may feel funky, but it's better than walking around with an itchy butthole.
Is It Possible to Prevent Sharts?
It would be great to pop a pill and never worry about sharting again, but your gut is more complicated than that.
If you're a chronic sharter, start by increasing the amount of fiber in your diet. Fiber helps build sturdier turds and can help reduce any leftovers in your system. You can also cut back on foods that are notorious for producing the runs, like coffee, alcohol, and artificial sweeteners.
As far as behavioral changes, quit trying to cause seismic shocks with your flatulence. Let your farts out naturally instead of thrusting like a madman. If your stomach starts to rumble and you're on the fence as to whether it'll be a fart or poop, take the conservative approach and go to the bathroom.
No matter what preventative measures you take, a shart attack can still sneak up on you. Sharts are natural predators, looking for the most inopportune time to strike and cause maximum shame.
For these inevitable attacks, the best way to fight back is with DUDE Wipes Singles—they'll save your butt, your dignity, and maybe even your drawers. Don't be another victim; fight back against shart attacks with DUDE Wipes.