The Curious Case of the Moose Knuckle
What does your 84-year-old Grandfather and a world-class cyclist have in common? The ball meat sandwich, also known as the moose knuckle. If you are not familiar, a moose knuckle is when a man's testicles and scrotum become smashed into the inseam of clothing. The impression creates a look like the hoof of the large mammal.
While the female camel toe basks in the spotlight, what about the testicle in-law? It's time for these nuts to gain some respect.
Hike Up Your Pants, Sonny
It's happened to all of us. Our pants fall below the waist and we hear that familiar command. "Pull up those pants, son." What drives the relentless anti-sag agenda of these older folks? Why do they wear their pants at their ribcage? It's understandable they never traded in their tighty whities, but the pants hike is outrageous.
The answer is simple — it sucks getting old. As men age, the skin loses its elasticity and fat accumulates in the abdomen. As a result, your Pa Pa's belly continues to hang further below his waist as he ages.
As many huskier guys know, the belly smashed over the belt feeling is not pleasant. To counteract this curse of aging, pulling pants above the hanging belly is a solution. This action creates a reaction — the moose knuckle. The higher the pants go, the more testicles squeeze into the seam. It's time to be more understanding of the Boomers. Pulling up a pair of khakis ever closer to your nipples is frustrating.
Another aspect of aging is the inability or lack of desire to change for the current times. Right up until the 21st century, high-waisted pants were all the rage for men. The high-waisted denim comeback is in full heat for the ladies of the world. Are men’s pants trending that way too?
The Sportswear and Spandex Crotch Crusher
The golden age of women's camel toe correlates with the rise of yoga pants. Men around the world cherish the widespread popularity of women’s activewear.
However, in the 1970's legends like Richard Simmons drove a spandex revolution. Athletes discovered the compression abilities of the synthetic fabric. Cyclists to bodybuilders flaunted their jewel crab claws on television. It soon reached the Olympics.
But athleisure wear isn't only for looks. Compression garments help keep muscles warm, preventing strains. They also help keep sweat off of the body and fight against the dreaded swass. The skin tight clothing aids in healing, recovery time and joint stabilization. Athletes in all sports now take advantage of compression. The plumber's tool bag is mainstream.
The length of men's shorts went full circle and "shorter the better" seems to be the mantra now. New arrivals at companies like Lululemon push inseam numbers of five inches. Shorts we laughed at our Dad's for wearing are selling as hot as a Balenciaga drop in Tokyo. Men’s swimsuits passed through the long board shorts phase too. The smaller the inseam, the higher on the Amazon bestseller lists. With the new products, the once limited viewing of moose knuckle is a common occurrence these days.
Give Your Marbles A Break
All sorts of clothing changes account for the proliferation of moose knuckles, but anatomy is a constant. The fact is, some men have bigger and or saggier balls than others. Studies are inconclusive to the difference of big vs. small for testes. It may be easy to poke fun at your homie's denim bulge but it's no laughing matter.
Smashing privates into a moose knuckle might be a result of fashion choices, but they need rest. A study from the US National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found the over wearing of compression clothing resulted in a negative effect in sperm production. While DUDE Boxer Briefs are the best option for underwear for men, give your balls some rest at night. Totes consider a loose pair of shorts or going commando when sleeping.
The Moose Knuckle Is Here To Stay
Whether you are an old geezer, a Lululemon loving fit fanatic, athlete or a guy with huge balls — the gonad puffer jacket isn't going anywhere. So when you see a moose knuckle on display, don’t be a hater, appreciate your fellow man’s display.