It’s lurking in the dark, hairy forest that is your butt crack. You scratch, you wiggle, you wonder what mystery material could be lodged in your grundle, giving you an unbearably itchy rear.
Out of desperation, you hop on the toilet and start digging for gold. Amidst your patch of butt fuzz, you feel a tiny, crumb-like ball hanging on by a thread—or hair, rather.
You muster up the courage to yank it out, which causes brief pain followed by relief. It’s exactly what you expected: a dingleberry. For the uninitiated, this refers to a clump of dried poop that gets stuck to your butt hair, often because of lackluster wiping habits.
There’s some confusion surrounding what dingleberries actually consist of (and what they say about your hygiene). As DUDEs who know a thing or two about the third pit, we decided to write a comprehensive analysis of dingleberries based on original research.
Let’s dig in.
What Is a Dingleberry?
“Dingleberry” is a slang term for a piece of dried poop that clings to the hairs in your anus or gooch region. When you don’t remove all the fecal remnants from your bum after a bowel movement, they coagulate into a crumb-like substance about the size of a sprinkle or Dippin’ Dot.
Many people assume dingleberries consist of 100% poop, but that’s not always the case. A dingleberry can also be composed of underwear lint and leftover clumps of toilet paper.
Dingleberries can come in bunches, or they can hang solo. Either way, the longer they linger, the harder they get.
Aside from the poop-related definition, dingleberry is sometimes used to describe someone who’s foolish or immature (this seems to be more common in Europe). A dingleberry is also (unfortunately) the name for a species of cranberry called vaccinium erythrocarpum. It’s found in the southeastern United States and east Asia.
Where Did the Term ‘Dingleberry’ Come From?
The use of “dingleberry” to describe crusty turd remnants dates all the way back to 1936, according to Merriam-Webster. It might sound like the word was made up on a middle school playground, but the etymology is actually quite sophisticated.
“Dingle” is an Old English word that was first used in the 13th century to describe a small, narrow valley between hills. It’s fun to say, but it’s also a perfect analogy for the human ass crack.
The “berry” part is self-explanatory: the tiny ball of crap that dangles in your hair resembles a tiny berry.
There are 13 pages of dingleberry definitions on Urban Dictionary: the internet’s most revered repository of slang terms. The earliest entries date back to 2003, many of which feature absurdly vivid descriptions.
Dingleberries have been referenced in pop culture everywhere from Beavis and Butthead to Bobby Lee’s TigerBelly podcast.
How to Remove a Dingleberry
If you’ve got a dingleberry swinging through your grundle like Tarzan, there are two techniques to extract it.
The most popular method is the pinch-and-pull. As the name implies, you grip the dingleberry with your thumb and index finger, then yank it out with one swift motion. You’re gonna pull some hairs out of a super sensitive area, so be prepared for pain. Treat it like pulling off a Band-Aid: the faster the better.
The alternative—and more sophisticated—method is the snip. Take your grooming tool of choice and cut the dingleberry out. This technique helps you avoid the pain of yanking your booty hairs out.
Warning: using sharp objects around your DUDE regions always carries a risk. Make sure you sit in a stable position and keep your hands steady.
If a dingleberry goes neglected long enough, it will inevitably dislodge itself and fall into your underwear or the toilet bowl. But we suggest you have some personal pride and remove your dingleberries ASAP.
2 Ways to Prevent Dingleberries
If you suffer from chronic dingleberries, chances are your hygiene habits are due for an upgrade. Some people might be horrified by your dingleberry collection, but the DUDE blog is a judgment free zone.
Here are two strategies to keep dingleberries at bay—forever.
1. Ditch Toilet Paper for Flushable Wipes
If you wipe with standard dry toilet paper, you’re probably not getting a clean sweep down there. TP doesn’t remove poop—it just smears it around your hole. After a few hours, the residue gets crusty and turns into dingleberries.
Not to mention, toilet paper breaks into little scraps when you’re digging around down there. These TP fragments are like magnets for poop particles.
The easy solution is DUDE Wipes. The subtle moisture cleans your butt way better than toilet paper could dream of. Plus, they’re built with extra strong fibers that can withstand the wiping process.
2. Tame Your Butt Hair
The hair surrounding your butt is thiccc (yes, three Cs). That makes it easy for leftover poo to hang around after a lackluster wipe job. You don’t have to remove all your butt hair to avoid dingleberries (in fact, that might cause problems of its own).
That said, every DUDE stands to benefit from a little manscaping in the grundle zone. In addition to minimizing your risk of dingleberries, taming your ass grass keeps things breathable and fresh. Thank us later.
Defeat Dingleberries with DUDE Wipes
It’s kind of ironic that we live in a health-obsessed culture, yet guys are walking around with clumps of fecal matter hanging from their anal pubes. We need to put an end to this grotesque madness, and it starts with ditching TP for DUDE Wipes.
Dingleberries don’t stand a chance when you’re living the Fresh Life.
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