What’s Up With Whiskey Dick?

by El Duderino July 09, 2019

Alcohol and orgasms are two of life’s greatest pleasures. But to the dismay of dudes everywhere, the two often cancel each other out when it matters most. You know the scenario: After running up your bar tab, the only thing that you actually want to go up at the end of the night—your wang—is just sitting there: soft, sleepy, and sluggish.

That’s right, we’re talking about whiskey dick.

You’ve probably heard horror stories about this booze-induced curse. Or maybe whiskey dick reared its ugly, flaccid head in your bedroom last night and you’re wondering what the hell is wrong down there.

We might not have a magic pill to wake up your junk after hitting the booze hard. But we do have the scoop on how to prevent the sauce from making you soft, plus some advice for what to do during a whiskey dick dilemma.

What Is Whiskey Dick?

You won’t find whiskey dick in any medical journals. But that doesn’t mean it’s not backed by science. In one study from the University of Washington, sober men were able to get hard faster than intoxicated men. Some of the subjects couldn’t get an erection at all after drinking. What gives?

Here are the three main reasons why booze is sabotaging your sexy time.

  1. Alcohol is a depressant that cuts off blood flow to your penis, the essential ingredient for healthy boners.
  2. When you guzzle large amounts of alcohol, you put your gut into overdrive. Your body is too busy flushing out those shots and beers to help you get hard.
  3. Drinking also throws your nervous system out of whack. A couple cocktails might tame your bedroom jitters, but the tradeoff is that your brain and dick can’t communicate.

How to Prevent Whiskey Dick

Racking up a big bar tab only to find yourself fumbling your dong and whispering, “This never happens,” is nothing short of devastating. So, how do you circumnavigate this sexual trainwreck?

  1. Avoiding whiskey dick requires a zen-like balance between “I feel like a boss” and “I can’t feel my dick.” Every guy has a different booze-to-boner ratio. There is no magic number of drinks that will render you flaccid. However, if you’re consistently binge drinking (5+ drinks in 2 hours), that could be your ticket to soft dick city.
  2. Lay off the hard liquor. Beer and wine usually have less alcohol than shots or cocktails, and they won’t sneak up on you like those tequila shots. The more booze you have in your bloodstream, the weaker your boner will be.

Whiskey Dick Backup Plans

Alright, so let’s pretend you ignored all of our above advice. Now you need an emergency excuse for your self-inflicted erectile dysfunction. How can you salvage your night when you’re stuck with a softie?

First, here’s what not to do:

  1. Don’t pull, tug, rub, or try any desperate measures to resurrect your pecker. That’s like trying to start a fire with a wet log.
  2. Don’t just lay there and wait for something to happen. The harder you try, the softer you get.

Your bedroom options are limited here, but this is the best you can do when your dick won’t cooperate:

  1. Head south of the border and put your oral sex skills to the test. This is the least you can do for her after you carelessly guzzled four vegas bombs before you called your Uber.
  2. Find a distraction until you sober up: order a pizza, take a shower, tell your friend to give you an “emergency” phone call. Get creative.

When Is It Not Whiskey Dick?

If you find yourself making the whiskey dick excuse frequently, there may be some other culprits besides the bottle. If you’re having a tough time making magic in the bedroom, one of these two issues is usually at play.

  1. Performance Anxiety:If you’re a young guy, chances are your penis is A-okay. You might just need to relax. Slow down, speed racer. You’re going to do just fine.
  2. Low Testosterone (Low T): If you’re never in the mood to fool around, or can’t when you’d like to, you might be lacking the libido-boosting hormone.

No Need for a Personal Prohibition

Alcohol isn’t your dick’s kryptonite. The key is to know your limits—easier said than done when people are handing you drinks left and right. Just remember: That last shot might boost your confidence. But it also might shut down your dick.