A game lost in time? A relic of a simpler past? Here is an art form that is fading before our very eyes: Safety. The glorious game based on farts.
In contrast to classic butt-related games like Battle Shits, Safety is elegant in its simplicity, terrifying in its brutality, and the premise is transparent.
It begins with the acknowledgement between a household or group of friends that Jus Primae Fartis is afoot. Once Safety starts it remains on at all times. There are no TV timeouts in this arena.
Play begins when an unfortunate individual, who perhaps made the mistake of making nachos last night using leftovers, shredded cheese, and zap in the microwave, releases a fart. The first sequence of the game, whether by sound or smell, is signaled to all.
A proper farter will call out the word “Safety” as soon as the gas has exited the ass. Through years of practice, uttering the holy word becomes second nature. Building this skill is essential because the consequences for not calling Safety are painful. If any player calls the word “Doorknob” prior to the farter calling “Safety,” the players have free reign to punch the farter at their mercy, until the farter touches a doorknob.
Additional rules are often applied like no punches to the groin or face. If a doorknob is not within reasonable distance, all players must agree on a substitute object.