Spicy Butt (n.) - An uncomfortable, burning butthole sensation resulting from eating spicy food.
With that out of the way, let's get down to business. You're not going to stop eating spicy food—it's delicious.
But wouldn't it be nice if you didn't get a four alarm burning sensation every time you poop the next day after eating something with hot sauce in it? What's a guy to do?
You could dip your ass in a bowl of cold milk or yogurt, but we don't want your roommates to ask you to move out.
The problem is the effects of spicy food are mostly unavoidable. Capsaicin, the compound in hot pepper that causes all that heat, can't be fully digested by humans. So no matter what you do, traces are going to come out the other end, hence spicy butt.
If you're wondering why you would feel the same sensations on your butthole as you do in your mouth after Taco Tuesday, well, it's because your mouth and your butt are more similar than you think.
The skin on your lips and your balloon knot have the same pain receptors that recognize the heat of capsaicin, which send the signals to your brain that it isn't cool. Your body responds by trying to turn the heat down, hence the sweating after that spicy curry.