Recent toilet paper shortages have brought out the worst in humanity: guys punching their mothers, supermarket assaults, and felony theft—all for a few rolls of glorified sandpaper. But sometimes a crisis can spark a revolution, and in 2020, that revolution may come in the form of a poop destroyer that sprays water on your butthole.
Yes, we’re talking about the DUDE Wiper 1000.
Americans are odd in the sense that they empty their pockets for high-tech gadgets and software, but won’t budge when it comes to third pit hygiene. Our disdain for bidets has no clear origins, but as toilet paper supplies dwindle, the amount of people identifying as “bidet curious” is soaring.
It may be long overdue, but it’s finally time for the bidet to shine—or squirt—in America.