Why You're Repulsing Women With Your Bathroom

August 28, 2018


If you’re planning on having company over, there’s a minimum amount of DUDE-ness you must exhibit if you want a chance of said company returning to your domain.

Here’s the upside: If you do these basic things (which take about 15 minutes to do), you’ll look better than 90% of DUDES out there. Because let’s be honest, guys are just straight up filthy. During our research we heard of a guy who didn’t keep toilet paper at his place because he only went #2 at work, and thus had no need for it.

Anyone you bring back to your place will like a tiny, clean apartment better than a flashy condo with a filthy toilet and no towels. Think about it, if there is a place a woman might put her mouth or bare ass it better be clean.

The problem is our clean meter as DUDES is off. What we think is clean isn’t what a woman might think is clean. Here’s an easy test for you to correct this—take a few pictures of your bathroom as if you were going to post them on Instagram for feedback. If you look at those pictures and are terrified of the blowback you might get, it’s time to get your Mr. Clean on.

And if you’re still completely lost as to what your bathroom needs for a girl to feel comfortable, here are 6 things you MUST do.

1. Clean some damn surfaces

We’re talking hands and knees and scrubbing bubbles. Your DUDE throne is public enemy #1, and shouldn’t have any visible stains on it. Same goes for the floor, bathroom sink, mirror and shower. Oh, and don't forget to dust

2. Buy some spare toothbrushes

If a lady is staying the night, she’s gonna want to make sure she doesn’t have dragon breath in the morning. Have some travel toothbrushes in a drawer and give her a heads up one is available in the morning—tell her you happen to have a spare one.

3. Keep a garbage can with a lid and a bag

Ladies have different bathroom needs than we do. While you might think the bathroom garbage can is for beer cans and hocking loogies, women need a place to dispose of things that we frankly don’t need to worry about.

4. Clean, fresh towels

This means bath towels and hand towels. Normal people like fresh, fluffy towels, not the crusty, stinky rags you wash once a quarter.

5. Hand soap

Not a grimy bar a soap, but a normal bottle of hand soap by the sink. Unlike you barbarians, women wash their hands after they use the bathroom, so give them a pleasant experience. If you don’t have it, they’ll know you don’t wash your hands and will be rightfully grossed out.

6. Toilet paper and DUDE wipes

And none of the 1-ply nonsense. We know women don’t poop, but they have to clean their lady bits, so make sure it’s the good stuff. DUDE wipes also come in handy for the same purpose, and other lady-like tasks like make-up removal.

Here are some bonus tips if you’d like to take your DUDE-ness to the next level.

  • Have a house plant in your bathroom. It shows you’re conscientious and responsible. Get a cactus or succulent that barely needs any watering.

  • Have a candle handy. We’re not saying you need to flood your room with them like Steve Carrell in 40 Year Old Virgin, but it can help with diffusing offensive odors and setting the mood.

  • Have some fresh plain t-shirts and a few pairs of athletic shorts handy Not only will your lady appreciate not having to go home in her outfit from last night, but you won’t lose your precious hoodies and sweatpants.

If you're wondering why you're getting ghosted after sleepovers, your bathroom game could be the culprit. You have to come correct with your bathroom game and there's no better way to show it than with DUDE Wipes.