The Art (and Science) Behind the Courtesy Flush

October 15, 2018

 

This summer Chris Pratt won something called the MTV Generation Award at the MTV Movie Awards. His acceptance speech included perhaps the best breakdown of the courtesy flush ever:

"If you have to poop at a party but you're embarrassed because you're gonna stink up the bathroom, just do what I do and lock the door, sit down, get all the pee out first, OK? And then, once all the pee is done, poop, flush, boom! You minimize the amount of time that the poop is touching the air, because if you poop first, it takes you longer to pee and then you're peeing on top, then it's stirring up. Just trust me, it's science."

The courtesy flush was introduced into pop culture in Austin Powers, when Tom Arnold mistook the sounds of Austin owning one of Dr. Evil's henchman in his stall for a massive dump. The scene itself is so influential it clocked in at #6 in our Most Epic Poop Scenes in Movie History.

 

Butters Scotch has also questioned Cartman's use of the courtesy flush in South Park.

 

But the courtesy flush doesn't come without controversy. Some, like Dirty Jobs' Mike Rowe, are against the courtesy flush, citing wasted water with multiple flushes and lack of productivity at the workplace as a few reasons why we shouldn't do it.

 

Frankly, the anti-courtesy flush brigade seems a bit...anal about all this. If you're that concerned about wasting water, there are plenty of ways to make up for the few gallons of water you are arguably wasting.

We took a poll at DUDE HQ and we're in 100% agreement the courtesy flush is a necessary part of bathroom etiquette. Whether you're playing an away game at a friend's house or taking your morning constitutional at work, an extra flush is worth not exposing your fellow man (or even yourself) to the horrors of your worst bowel movements.

 

Everybody poops, but not everybody needs to be exposed to your special flavor of sulfur. If you need to take a #2 in enemy territory, we suggest having your flush hand ready as soon as there's splashdown in the bowl.

And if you don't want the evidence of your crime to follow you back to your desk, might we recommend packing some wipes, so you can always make a clean getaway.