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Dupe Wipes Saves NFL From Butt Wipe Scandal

 

Among the NFL's myriad scandals over the past decade, one has been overlooked for too long—and never addressed in any meangingful way. Like a bad shart, it spurts into the league's consciousness every few years, yet the NFL has simply wished it away, hoping upon hope it will never stink up the league again.

The scandal?

Butt stuff.

First, there was Randy Moss mooning the Packer's faithful at Lambeau Field after a touchdown catch in a playoff game in 2005. The NFL fined Moss $10,000 for the mooning.

 

Then there was the infamous Butt Fumble.

On Thanksgiving night of 2012 in front of 79,088 fans, Mark Sanchez executed one of the worst plays in NFL history. Sanchez thought he called a handoff to his halfback on his left side, when he actually called a fullback dive to his right. After the snap, he ran to the line in a panic, when Patriots defensive tackle Vince Wilfork pushed the Jets right guard right into Sanchez.

He collided with his guard's butt and dropped like a stone, losing the ball in the process. The Patriots recovered and ran the ball in for a touchdown.

Sanchez has never lived it down.

 

Then two weeks ago, a butt stuff scandal struck the Jets once again.

This time it inolved their running back, Isaiah Crowell, who, after scoring his second touchdown of the game, used the ball to wipe his butt in front of thousands of Cleveland Browns fans, the team he started his career with. His coach, Todd Bowles, told reporters after the game the incident was "inexcusable" and would never happen again. The NFL fined Crowell $13,369.

 

When the DUDE HQ caught wind of what happened, we sprung into action. Something had to be done to finally put an end to the NFL's butt stuff scandals once and for all.

So we sent a message, along with a crap ton of DUDE Wipes, to Isaiah, letting him know we had his back.

Word spread like wildfire throughout the league, with ESPN, Barstool Sports, Sports Illustrated, Yahoo Sports, The Washington Post, New York Post, and Bleacher Report all covering the story.

NJ.com said Isaiah is now living, "the great American dream." We couldn't agree more.

Barstool Sports asked, "Who is a more notable ass wiper than Isaiah Crowell right now?" We can't think of one.

Butt wipers across the NFL have gotten the message: We've got your rear. Anyone who has a butt related touchdown celebration they're waiting to spring on the league, you know who to call.

As we've learned, you never know when a butt related inspiration—or emergency— might strike, so make sure you're packing some DUDE Wipes and keep yourself fresh out there.


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