Why Do Your Farts Smell So Bad?
Much like candles and crayons, flatulence comes in many varieties. The average person passes gas 14 times a day—that’s 105 billion farts around the world every day—and no two toots are alike.
You have those loud, thundering farts that send shockwaves through couch cushions and those little squealers that you pray nobody around you hears.
Then there are the infamous silent-but-deadly farts—you know, the ones that smell so bad they make you want to fumigate your house.
While no two farts are created equally, it’s safe to say most of them don’t exactly smell like a bed of roses. But what makes some farts smell so much worse than others?
Well, you’re about to find out. Here are three factors that can contribute to ghastly gas.
The most common culprit of your nauseating gas is your diet. But since you probably don’t have time to run experiments to figure out which foods are causing that seismic stench, we’re breaking it down for you.
Translation: leafy greens. Those helpings of broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and kale are great additions to your diet. But be warned: you might have to wear a gas mask if you inhale those veggie farts after a few hours.
Remember the time you scarfed down that bean burrito for lunch then ripped farts smelly enough to clear an entire building? Yeah, that’s because beans are packed with fiber and raffinose that cause gas. Together, they make a deadly combination that’s like rocket fuel for your farts.
Sulfur, the third most abundant mineral in your body, is essential for your body to function properly. It also makes your farts smell like rotten eggs. Foods high in sulfur include meat, fish, dairy, onions, and garlic. Eating a sulfur-rich diet is healthy in most cases, but it’s a surefire path to Stinkville.
If you’re a gym rat who rinses down slabs of meat with post-workout shakes, you already know about deadly protein farts. Normal amounts of protein (about one gram per pound of body weight per day), typically break down in your small intestine into amino acids. However, excess protein scoots right down to your colon where gut microbes go to town on it. When that happens, your your body produces hydrogen sulfide gas, causing your farts to reek like rotten eggs.
As if a hangover wasn’t bad enough, drinking alcohol can cause your farts to carry an odor more shameful than anything you did the night before. The excess yeast and carbohydrates found in beer can go undigested in your colon where they ferment into atomic beer farts.
And if you thought a fancy glass of wine could spare you from stinky farts, think again. Wine contains sulfur, which ends up smelling just as bad as beer farts once it finds its way out of your ass.
Have you ever walked into a bathroom that smells like Satan himself just farted, only to find a giant turd floating in the toilet bowl? The longer that toxic stew of feces sits there, the worse the smell gets—and the same applies to your colon.
If it’s been a while since you’ve dropped a deuce, all that gut bacteria is just fermenting in your digestive tract, causing bloating and accumulating stink power. The more time you give the bacteria to metabolize, the deadlier your gas can be when it finds its way out.
What we’re trying to say is: if you have a fart in the chamber, let ‘er rip now (or pay the price later.)
Remember, smelly farts are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, they are often the side effect of a healthy diet. So, don’t be afraid to rip ass. As Benjamin Franklin said so eloquently about 240 years ago, “Fart proudly.”