The Art of the Maintenance Wipe
After our recent deep dive into the art and science of the courtesy flush, we're going even deeper into the third pit of bathroom etiquette to break down the maintenance wipe.
Though lesser known than the courtesy flush, the maintenance wipe has become an essential weapon in any DUDE's bathroom arsenal.
As much as we hate to admit it, we can't always execute the perfect wipe. Sometimes our wiping technique can be lacking, or maybe you don't have to proper tools to tame your poop situation.
For any and all times it just doesn't feel right in your third pit, the maintenance wipe is the perfect candidate for the job. If you're not yet convinced of the efficacy of the maintenance wipe, here are three scenarios where it can be life saver.
1. DUDE Wipe Double Check
This is the most obvious use for a maintenance wipe. But don't take it from us, listen to bassmaster and expert wiper Gerald "G Man" Swindle, a main who once said, "Toilet paper makes me want to fight."
Gerald may be the strongest advocate of the maintenance wipe (and DUDE Wipes) we've ever seen. Just take a look at why DUDE Wipes are so essential when Swindle is fishing.
If you've ever been caught in a public restroom without a DUDE Wipe, you know why it's necessary to do a double check once you get home and get your hands on one. Another reason to never leave home without one.
2. The Swass Sweep
We've explained how you can prevent monkey butt, but sometimes it's simply unavoidable. This is where a maintenance wipe can save your ass.
If you've been active on a hot day, a wet wipe can be just as refreshing as a swig of ice cold water. Not to mention it can protect you from skid marks, or worse, a urinary tract infection.
Today there isn't any good reason for walking around all day with swamp crotch. We've advanced far enough as a species where we can call for a cleanup on Aisle 2 whenever necessary — welcome to the future.
3. Hook Up Freshen Up
Ever wonder why your significant other pops into the bathroom before it gets hot and heavy? They're freshening up for you (another reason to keep your bathroom looking good).
You should return the favor. You don't need a bidet, just enough to tidy up. Trust us, no one wants to go spelunking in a particularly swamp cave. Remember, DUDE Wipes are fragrance free, so your junk won't smell like a lavender candle after clean up — your man musk will remain.
If you find yourself in a particularly sticky situations, there's no need to go another round with one-ply sandpaper anymore.
The maintenance wipe is your oasis in the toilet paper desert, allowing you to freshen up on demand keep you out of swassy situations for good.